i am creating an iphone app titled 'north american hamsters'
to be published by nexstudios, it will feature in-depth (to some degree) profiles of 60x hamster 'native to north america & its environs,' view preview profiles of select hamsters here
*update* below offer has ended, 'participants' will be updated at some point via email, thank you *update*
due, among other reasons, to the 'already bleak' nature of this project, the 'already unconventionally satisfying (to me, to some degree)' nature of this project, and the loneliness i don't want to endure while 'documenting the lives'/'creating the portraits' of the often misanthropic, some say, hamsters of north america i am 'inviting the public,' in a way, to participate in this project by selling the 'naming rights' of 20 species for $65 each
paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $65 and i will 'ignore' 'natural history,' to some degree, and name one of the 60 hamster species in the app '[your real name] hamster' or '[your company/website's name] hamster,' for example if your name is 'jonathan safran foer' and you paypal me $65 a hamster in the app will be named 'jonathan safran foer hamster,' if your name is gawker.com a hamster in the app will be named 'gawker.com hamster'
for the '0 - [infinity?]' years after this app 'goes viral' (and eventually becomes a 'nytimes best-selling' book ) people will read your name, read your bio, google your name, look at your blog or twitter account, and possibly purchase your products while 'certainly' increasing your hits; additionally, 1% of pre-tax profits will be donated to help nurture malnourished baby hamsters 'back to health' and eventually 'into the 9-5 workforce'
*update* below offer has ended, 'participants' will be updated at some point via email, thank you *update*
due, among other reasons, to the 'already bleak' nature of this project, the 'already unconventionally satisfying (to me, to some degree)' nature of this project, and the loneliness i don't want to endure while 'documenting the lives'/'creating the portraits' of the often misanthropic, some say, hamsters of north america i am 'inviting the public,' in a way, to participate in this project by selling the 'naming rights' of 20 species for $65 each
paypal binky.tabby [at] gmail.com $65 and i will 'ignore' 'natural history,' to some degree, and name one of the 60 hamster species in the app '[your real name] hamster' or '[your company/website's name] hamster,' for example if your name is 'jonathan safran foer' and you paypal me $65 a hamster in the app will be named 'jonathan safran foer hamster,' if your name is gawker.com a hamster in the app will be named 'gawker.com hamster'
for the '0 - [infinity?]' years after this app 'goes viral' (and eventually becomes a 'nytimes best-selling' book ) people will read your name, read your bio, google your name, look at your blog or twitter account, and possibly purchase your products while 'certainly' increasing your hits; additionally, 1% of pre-tax profits will be donated to help nurture malnourished baby hamsters 'back to health' and eventually 'into the 9-5 workforce'
40 Comments:
seems like a pretty chill thing to do
did the price of naming rights just escalate $25 within the last ten minutes or so
i feel crazy
omg yes
Sounds like a quick way to make ~$1300.
Damn
cool
'hahahahaha'
are there plans for an android operating system app?
seems vaguely more involved in capitalism than usual for you, i'm not sure
You're either born a hamster or not. There are some things that money can't buy.
"very sweet"
wtf is an iphone
this is a good idea
i wish i had 'marketable' skills/products/art/stuff so as to have a hamster avatar become an iphone advertisement for my 'radness'. i don't think i'm sarcastic right now either. seems like this will expose hamster avatars to a 'good crowd' for getting yrself 'out there'.
i was just watching sea world deaths on the news.
can't believe you're encouraging hamsters to take our jobs.
seems like the name excludes everyone not from canada/usa from 'purchasing' a hamster/name.
Tao,
When we could believe that you were a genuinely struggling artist whose book sales were extremely closely linked to your mental health
(i.e if your writing career flopped, i think a few of us feared, in one way or another that you might kill yourself, or do something despondent).
But now things seem to be in pretty good shape for you. Several of your books are carried by Urban Outfitters. You have another book coming out this year, and you have a large contingent of people aware of your body of work. Even if you don't have "famous cult writer" status yet (which many would argue that you do), you are still read and respected by a large number of people.
You are almost, I would argue, able to support yourself through your writing and writing related endeavors.
So why the heck should we, the people who support you (who are also sometimes fed up with our jobs and lives) be impressed when you offer to lower the price on your hamster app from 65 to 25 dollars? It seems like the line in the Brandon Book Crisis where you talk about "milking your bitches" is kinda true.
So, what the fuck. Give us free hamster apps, or convince us that we should feel the need to be 'charitable' or 'gracious' towards you and support you in this endeavor.
i realize that in the above comment, the first paragraph is an incomplete sentence. i ask that you just read it like it was a more complete sentence, or skip over it. thanks.
^ jesus christ ^
Jonas, we the people should support T-Lin with our hard-earned money because HE’S FUCKING AWESOME. Get with the program. I’ve already promised T-Lin my first-born daughter to do with what he may.
Tao,
Do you hate me?
@ben people that don't live in 'north america' can 'buy into' this app, as i'm willing to 'ignore' 'natural history' (as stated in the post)
"You are almost, I would argue, able to support yourself through your writing and writing related endeavors."
this is a writing-related endeavor, in my view
'gimmicks' are probably 40-60% of my income
for example i've made something like $33k from writing the past 5 years, including advances and royalties and foreign rights sales, and $12k of it is from selling shares in my next book
"So why the heck should we, the people who support you (who are also sometimes fed up with our jobs and lives) be impressed when you offer to lower the price on your hamster app from 65 to 25 dollars?"
i don't expect people to be impressed or to buy my things/services
therefore i think my answer is 'you don't "need" to support me if you don't want to' (maybe half the time i do something i 'even' type 'if you want to' somewhere in the 'gimmick' to stress that you don't 'need' to support me)
"So, what the fuck. Give us free hamster apps, or convince us that we should feel the need to be 'charitable' or 'gracious' towards you and support you in this endeavor."
i don't like to pressure people too much to support me, therefore my 'argument' for why you should support me, in this post at least, was probably 'weak' or 'nonexistent'
if people don't support me in my gimmicks it seems like i'll just try new gimmicks
if 'everything fails' i'll 'just' get a job somewhere
knowing those above two things contributed maybe, in part, to the lack of a 'strong argument' why people 'should' buy 'naming rights' to my forthcoming hamster app
hamster app sounds hilarious.
that is hilarious.
but north americans (in all shapes and forms) are scum.
so says James.
tao i still don't get why cognitive-behavioral therapy is broken up into four parts. do you not feel like answering that question?
can i buy a north american hamster for my mom
@anonymous i don't think there's anything to 'get'
@david yes
BUT Y 4 Y NOT 3 Y!!!!! YYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
feeling really bad
nice post. thanks.
wish i could afford this! hehehehe
love these hamsters so much
what features will the app have?
@what features will the app have? there may be video and audio
can my hamster be just a huge picture of my face that takes up the entire screen
@brandon i will consider incorporating a huge pic of your face somehow, if not as the 'only' thing then as a 'thing'/'feature'
initially i feel aversion to that being 'all of it' due to consistency w/ other hamsters
it does seem 'sweet' though
might be 'worth it' to not be consistent to do this
will consider it
i don't have an iphone and i don't want one
but i'd still like to purchase naming rights
can we request things to be included to the profiles of the 'nah' (north american hamsters)
seems like this wasn't mentioned or i 'skimmed over'
you can request what you want for favorite movies/books/bands/sexual position
i am 'closing' this deal at 11 p.m tonight
Can you offer me an iPhone with this app so that I can use it? Or, better yet, just mail the features written on lined paper after I pay for it?
At least it's not gerbils
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