before you click the first link in the sentence below this one you must paypal binky.tabby [AT] gmail.com at least $50
a gmail chat poem with a person that will have a bear parade book in the future
- books
- taipei (2013)
- richard yates (2010)
-
- shoplifting from american apparel (2009)
- cognitive-behavioral therapy (2008)
- eeeee eee eeee (2007)
- bed (2007)
- you are a little bit happier than i am (2006)
- ebooks
- hikikomori with ellen kennedy (2007)
- today the sky is blue and white with bright blue spots and a small pale moon and i will destroy our relationship today (2006)
- this emotion was a little e-book (2006)
- fiction
- jawbreaker's major-label album
- relationship story
- we will drink our coffee and complete our novels and lay in sunlight and sit in darkness
- the 'can't concentrate' manatee
- the nearly-severely depressed bird
- the existentially fucked megamouth shark
- the disappointed ant
- the vegan muffin
- the gay stepdad
- lisa jarnot
- love is a thing on sale for more money than there exists
- leftover crack in red hook
- sasquatch
- october
- friday
- essays
- the future of the novel
- koko, the 'talking' gorilla
- 'almost transparent blue' by ryu murakami
- 'honored guest' by joy williams
- 'woodcutters' by thomas bernhard
- how to be considerate on the internet
- how to give a reading on mushrooms
- 'great american novelist'
- 10 blogging platforms
- 3 movies i liked
- 3 documentaries by werner herzog
- 'best of young american novelists 2'
- 'kmart realism'
- exactly what i want
- what i can tell you about seattle based on the people i've met from there
- the levels of greatness a fiction writer can achieve in america
- good/bad in art
- poems/relationships
- the word 'nice'
- cho seung-hui's killing rampage
- accounts
- being arrested for 'trespassing' nyu's bookstore
- the great american dialogue about the new yorker's '20 under 40' list
- marina abramovic, 'the staring woman at moma'
- 'audrey' from 'shoplifting from american apparel'
- germany
- sex after not seeing each other for a few days
- reading at 'elliot bay'
- other
- 'the great gatsby' livetweet
- mushrooms liveblog
- 'the hobbit' livetweet
- what i typed on mushrooms on october 23 2011
- top 10 reasons you should read this article
- top 10 unpublished articles of 2011
- top 10 worst fruits to get blowjobs from
- top 10 animals that don't have asses
- top 5 low-level conspiracies jesse eisenberg should accidentally discover
- poetry
- the earliest use of the word ‘sarcastic’
- i see cupcakes exploding
- i was in japan in 1991 or 1992 looking out a window
- i feel weird, like my favorite book is a novelization of 'metroid'
- i felt happy without drinking coffee today
- opposite of song of myself
- i know at all times that in four hours i will feel completely different
- room night
- that was bad; i shouldn't have done that
- the mfa in hamsters
- walking home in cold weather
- i will like the things that i dislike, hate, or am indifferent towards
- in manhattan on 29th street
- music writing
- re 'favorite music of 2012'
- re 'the majority of people are decoys'
- re 'kicked it in the sun'
- playlist re 'richard yates'
- playlist re 'shoplifting from american apparel'
- playlist re 'cognitive-behavioral therapy'
- playlist re 'eeeee eee eeee'
- playlist re 'bed'
- playlist re 'you are a little bit happier than i am'
- charts/graphs
- the contemporary short story
- 'kmart realism' contextualized
- interviews
- sam pink
- ben lerner
- jeff rosenstock
- stza crack
- malcolm gladwell
- tony o'neill
- noah cicero
- chelsey minnis
- michael earl craig
- mazie louise montgomery
- deb olin unferth
- todd hasak-lowy
- matthew rohrer
- joy williams
- stacey levine
- chris killen
- stephen elliott
- stephen dixon
59 Comments:
so far i have to kill about five people
please email me your addresses so that i can kill you at night
and say what time you go to sleep
hello baby douchebags,
I am one of the stars in a forthcoming reality series Can’t Get a Date on VH1 which debuts at midnight, April 7. Check out this promotion video clip where I appeared nude:
http://post.creativegroup.tv/VH1CantGetDate/03152006601/QT.mpg
xxxjimmy
I died a long time ago. Killing me won't change anything. Killing me would be insulting to the one who kills me. IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR YOU TO APPEAR TO KILL ME.
Kill xxxjimmy
yo, baby douchebag,
show somw respect, and learn to draw cartoons. your cartoons are not funny...
xxxjimmy
I don't know when my actual episode will air--the pilot runs 4/7. I'm not nude in that footage either--in other footage I will be. Kinda tubby and flopping around. And then slimmer. I don't know what a "baby douchebag" is or why some one would want to pose as me here, but hey.
xxxjimmy
PS: I've never seen your cartoons so I couldn't speak to that
Jimmy is cool. Everyone be cool.
xxxjimmy
It's just weird that you're so obsessed with me--give it up...
xxxjimmy
I'm just assuming you're bamabro / Matt Miller, etc. I guess I understand it if you are because I smoked you so bad...if it's anyone else, well, that would make you just a giant loser. But maybe that's how they roll in Iowa City / Cedar Rapids when you're not a real writer...
xxxjimmy
PS: I like that my age goes uncorrected...it is exactly one year older than Matt Miller, although I am 33. That's kind of interesting.
You talk as if there are many real writers in Iowa City, always believing that illusory Iowa reputation...
A cocksucking giant douchebag you are!
xxxjimmy
However many real writers there are, you're certainly not one of them. Like I would go around asking people to ever come to my website or watch Vh1...please...like I care if they do--you're a sad case, wannabe
xxxjimmy
sixty people including my roommate, jessica smith, the guy from belgium, clayton banes, mallory coppenrath, i think carla costa, mike young, and someone from d.e. shaw need to be killed
if anyone wants to help, email me
if you are a person who needs to be killed please email me
the penalty for not listening to me is to paypal me $500
the interest is exponential and increases each time time passes
Look at yourself, always sucking up to Iowa grads, still trying to find a way to get in even at your age. Senor douchebag, Can't Get a Date? Don'y you think you're tool old for that! Just dream about burying your face between Sarah's giant ass cheeks. You're a sad case!
xxxjimmy
the fake jim behrle is blocking his ip address from showing up on my statcounter
i feel profoundly retarded
I am almost dead.
Sucking up to Iowa grads? Like who? The workshop has pumped out a few poets I like: mostly what they pump out is dipshits like you. Toxic waste that feels entitled to something--but who can't write at all. Give it up. I was 32 when we taped the show--that was what they were looking for. You're so twisted up with jealousy: get a fucking life. No one's buying that you're me. And I dated Sarah for like a month and we're still friends. So what? There's going to be plenty of things for you to be jealous about: if you want to make it your life work to weakly make fun of me, go for it. Every part of Sarah is delightful and you'll never find out.
xxxjimmy
Everybody, run away from me right now!
I am about to explode
xxxjimmy
I am jealous of the giant douchebag! but I will run away from myself before exploding into pieces!
xxxjimmy
I don't understand your projects: you've obviously never met me and have done only tiny google searches. They're just stupid--they're not funny. I mean, if you just want to be an annoying idiot, congratulations. I thought I was gonna blow up at me & Tao's reading, Mohammad? How did that go? Wuss...there is one me and he doesn't live in Assclown Rapids, Iowa.
xxxjimmy
yeah, i am jealous of jimmy. i want some of Sarah's giant ass...
jimmy, ready to fight me, flarf flarf, yo douchebag
you were 32 when they taped the show, so does that make you Ok, yo old fart ass punk douchebag?
Had to do that to make some money to buy giant panties for sarah??
beetlejuice, that's enough. Jimmy is crying...
Are you serious? Like is this shit really what you want to do with your life? Impersonate retards?
xxxjimmy
Yeah better than looking like an idiot in a reality show!
better than screaking flarf flarf flarf... like a moron...
yo that's it for today i don't have any more time for you dimwit loser...
Why are you spending this much time on me? What are you so jealous of? Nobody watches Vh1 anyway...
I don't give a shit about Iowa or Iowans, I don't want anyone to come to my site or watch the show. If you want to be a crazy stalker, it's because you are a freaky, jealous idiot.
xxxjimmy
fuck off retard i am kind of tried...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~~~~~~~~got it?
go back to your room and jerk off
That you wanna pose as me and leave bullshit comments? That's the most weakass shit ever. Are you obsessed with me or some shit? Do you watch me naked over and over again on Vh1? Have you ever done anything original in your life or are you just gonna pose as other people. An anonymous comment box loser, is that all you wanna be?
xxxjimmy
I mean, your the same boring idiot who had like a nervous breakdown when Tao won that contest...Why do you give such a shit? I heard Tao read, he's pretty great. What the fuck did you ever do you goddamned nobody? Have you ever written a poem in your life?
xxxjimmy
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
boring doofus
If I'm so boring why are you posing as me? Why are you obsessed with me? Do you want to fuck me, Matt?
xxxjimmy
Seriously: is the anonymous comment field troll your life's work, idiot?
xxxjimmy
Didn't I say, "go back to your room and jerk off," yo fucking retard??????????
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Please--you're the one jerking off in your room right now to like an 80 foot poster of me naked. You are boiling my bunny, fatal attraction boy! Boil it! Get it over with! Work it out of your system! Come all over my photo again and again! Only and obsessed perv would be THIS interested in me...dumbass...
xxxjimmy
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
That's all you have to say for yourself? OR is that the sound of you hatefucking an 80 foot poster of me you ridiculous dumbass??
xxxjimmy
I mean, I guess I'm your type--bald, pudy guys...
Is blah the sound of you coming all over yourself??
Where did all your imaginary friends go, fuckin dumbass??
xxxjimmy
yo imbecile go bury your face between Sarah's giant ass cheeks or shut up and go to your pathetic little den...
You do want me! That's why you pose as me! Because you're like completely in love with me...what a freaky little perverted dumbass you are...I will never love you. You are probably a fat kid. No one loves fat kids. Go kill yourself, you unloveable anonymous internet troll loserboy...
xxxjimmy
PS: Sarah's out of town...
I dont owe you money, tao. I've paid for your dinner a million times, and will again. Go ahead and try to kill me. Go ahead.
I welcome death.
i don't want to die. i mean i do. i mean i don't know.
please kill me.
Instead of killing me, come to the West Coast and I will buy you real blueberries. You will be unable to reconcile their taste with your worldview. These blueberries will make you like Pynchon. Our blueberries are made of fierce and freakish love.
don't kill me! i didn't look. i didn't. you know what? actually, i double dog dare you to try and kill me.
That wasn't me you killed last night, it was my roommate.
Thank you.
(p.s. I didn't know you were serious!)
Well, I TRIPLE DOG dare you to kill me!!! Or I triple dog dare you to stick your tongue to a frozen flagpole. Whichever is easiest.
Hey folks,
Why do you need all the bloody gore and shooting? I invite you all, Tao and his followers, to my tiny room in Brooklyn. Let's end it all at once, I mean, mass suicide.
Who knows what's going to happen afterwards? His little books may become best sellers!
xxxj.mohammad
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I am currently the only guy in Belgium who can sleep without imminent danger.
I feel unbreakable. I am going to catch a grizzly bear.
Mainly because it will take you to long to swim to here.
Just give out the address, Jimmy Mohammad, and everyone can come over to watch "Lost" tonight on the tube. Although the bedroom is small there are other rooms...
xxxjimmy
When I open this blog, all I see is:
"pre-order my book motherfu"
Because that obscene word is so big.
I think that that is funny.
thank you nick, christine, clay, matthew, mike, carla, eric, c.m., and sciere
for changing this comments section from
'makes me feel profoundly retarded'
to
'makes me feel like i like everyone'
A relation R is a pre-order if it is reflexive (x R x) and transitive (x R y R z => x R z). If it is also antisymmetric (x R y R x => x = y) then it is a partial ordering.
i guess i owe you $550 now.
put it on my tab
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